Review: White House Down

Columbia Entertainment

When it comes down to it, nearly all of director Roland Emmerich's movies are pretty bad. Traditionally speaking, they are generally a string of cliches, cheap technical tricks, and needless slow motion amidst a sea of chaos and explosions. But somehow, I can't help but like them! The Patriot was glaringly historically inaccurate and melodramatic to the core, but Mel Gibson is so badass in it and it features some truly awesome scenes. Independence Day runs the same course of melodrama and silly acting, dialogue, and situations, but remains one of the most memorable and famous alien invasion movies of our time. Even 2012 with all of it's made up science and what everyone called an excuse for "destruction porn" managed to be extremely entertaining all the way through and even funny at times. (I'm just going to ignore all of his undeniably horrible movies here!). They're all easy to make fun of and treat like pointless popcorn, blockbuster fare, but I can't help but look back fondly on each viewing experience with some sort of misplaced sentimentality.

In all these cases though, Emmerich has never really left the '90s. He's stuck in that Armageddon, Con Air, and The Rock type of action that doesn't give a shit about things such as true character development or thoughtful themes/plots. These movies are loud, obnoxious, and entirely proud of the type of entertainment they provide. Still, there's something to be enjoyed there! And Nic Cage's hair stands as a testament to that spirit.

Columbia Pictures

But is it there in Emmerich's newest release White House Down? The answer is a resounding NO. What could have been a modern day (as if it happened that long ago) Die Hard is nothing more than another summer action flick looking to make the production studio a few extra bucks. Following an attack on the White House, John Cale (Channing Tatum) finds himself the only person left in the building able to fight the terrorists (who are Americans and white in this movie, so skip out on the possible racism there!) and try to save President Sawyer (Jamie Foxx). What follows is 131 minutes of action scenes strung together by a measly thread of an attempt to create a relevant, interesting story. Writer James Vanderbilt (The Amazing Spiderman, Zodiac) makes a lame attempt to tie the intentions of the terrorists to stopping some super-peace-plan the President has devised that will apparently stop all confrontation in the Middle-East as if that is even a plan that could happen in any dimension or universe. Obviously, the "military industrial complex" is behind this and needs war to make a profit! This is a true thing and a real issue the U.S. has, but it does NOT need this half-assed script and movie to make a case for solving it. If you want a good idea of what this issue even is, go watch the documentary Why We Fight.

Oh, but White House Down does not stop there! Enter the cliche, endlessly annoying and pointless (other than to distract the parent/guardian) child of the protagonist! Apparently Cale's daughter Emily (Joey King) is completely obsessed with the President and White House history and of course accompanies Cale to the White House when all this goes down and proceeds to be a thorn in dad and the audience's side. (If she really wants to know the White House so bad, she should just chill out and watch The West Wing). Seriously, I do not understand these types of characters. Like, I know they're there to provide more drama and tension for the protagonist in how he'll react to when she inevitably gets kidnapped by the bad guys, but COME ON. Try something different for once without falling back on cliches!

Columbia Pictures

Because in the end, that is the main problem with this movie. The 90's may have some cinematic gems (and when I say that I mean hulking, blaring monsters like Con Air) and trends to remember and share, but White House Down borrows all the wrong ones and never manages to come close to anything remotely impressive or exciting. The truly talented cast is completely wasted on this project. Maggie Gyllenhaal, Richard Jenkins, Jason Clarke, and James Woods all co-star and are there for nothing more than star power. Of course, star power is a thing used in basically every movie to attract an audience, but that doesn't mean the movie will be bad! Foxx is obviously chosen to play the President because he's the closest big-name, black actor out there who looks the most like Barack Obama. And Tatum has been super popular lately and actually has real talent if he tries hard enough, but his part in this film could have been done by any other young, attractive, buff actor out there and it wouldn't have made a difference. 

In all, this movie was boring. My friend (who got me into the movie for free because she works at a Regal!) said she almost fell asleep a number of times. It's a montage of things and situations we've all seen before. Maybe it's about time we finally put the lid on the coffin of the 90's and proceeded on to bigger and better things. Unfortunately, that might mean Emmerich needs to change and figure out his style a bit more or retire completely. Once again, here's to hoping July and August have better things in store for Summer movies!